Blue

Right then, today I felt depressed. I am sitting here contemplating starting  my book..but my thoughts are all over the damned place. I said that I was going to attempt it..and I will, I just need to focus. I also said to myself that I was going to start harnessing my spiritual greatness. That wasn't meant to sound arrogant, believe me. I just know that I have a calling and I'm going to do what I must to grow in it. My ancestors want me to, and I shall. I am so lonely. Winter seems to be doing its job on me, seriously. I said that I was going to blog everyday..even if I didn't feel like it. I don't have anything witty to say, nor do I wish to talk about these vapid celebrities. I just want to bare my soul sometimes..as if anyone gives a damn.

It's Friday. I want to be curled up on his futon, watching Netflix with him and laughing at his randomness. It's up to me to lift the block. It's up to him to act on it when it's lifted. Now, I systematically feel like I am being pulled to bits.

My sadness is spinning out. I feel alone, and tragic..but I know I'm blocked. He is blocked. I just feel like screaming sometimes. The wind howls..and I sit here..looking about my room, feeling like I want to rip my skin off and wash the inside of me with salt water. I call out to my ancestors and Orisha for guidance, but I feel like I'm yelling into a rusty pipe. My cries echo back to me...and I sit here still, alone.